Westboro Baptist Is Going To Hell According To Themselves (and here’s why)

One of the most perverted and distorted sects of Christianity can be found in the Westboro Baptist Church.

Their interpretation of the Bible is that homosexuality is not only a sin, but even the vaguest tolerance is inadmissible. Not content with basking in the knowledge that they are the only people on Earth destined to salvation they feel it necessary to picket war funerals and other events, as a self-described ‘courtesy’, to let everyone know they’re going to Hell.

They hate the US because they perceive it as a society tolerant of homosexuality. So they desecrate the flag and constantly, boringly, tell everyone they’re going to Hell for being American to the point of openly welcoming 9/11.

They hate the military because they see soldiers serving ‘fag-tolerating’ regime. Hence (although the actual logic of the word hence probably doesn’t apply in this case) they picket soldier’s funerals with signs reading ‘Fag Troops’, whatever that means.

Not content with basking in the knowledge that they are the only people on Earth destined to salvation they feel it necessary to picket war funerals and other events, as a self-described ‘courtesy’, to let everyone know they’re going to Hell.

Any attempt to discourse is met with the same nonchalant affirmation that they are confident in the knowledge that they’re being saved in the afterlife. Theirs is the worst kind of belief, shared only with radical Islam.

So I’m going to try a different approach now.

The Westboro Baptist community live, as the rest of civilisation, dependent on computers. Computers made the clothes they wear, they couldn’t drive cars were it not for computers, their Reverend makes use of an electronic amplifier + microphone to deliver his distorted preaching of hate and violence, they use image editing software and printers to make their retarded signs, they use cellphones, they even have a web presence (godhatesfags.com, I will not bring myself to link directly to them).

Here comes the brilliance of today’s rhetoric.

All of these things are or depend on computers. At the base level, they are all Turing complete machines. Alan Turing designed the basis for modern computing. Put simply, Western civilisation depends on an invention set forth by the British mathematician. The amazing realisation I’ve had today is that Westboro Baptist has that exact same dependence on Alan Turing.

The amazing realisation I’ve had today is that Westboro Baptist has that exact same dependence on Alan Turing.

Alan Turing’s invention helped crack the German code infrastructure during World War II. He committed suicide shortly after it ended, shortly after he shaved off easily 4 more years of fighting. He committed suicide because he was hounded and persecuted. Alan Turing was hounded and persecuted for being a homosexual. He loaded an apple with cyanide to take his life.

Let this realisation sink in. Think in terms of the doctrine of Westboro Baptist. They strongly believe that anything remotely connected to homosexuality is going to Hell. This realisation could well be the missing brick that topples the entire rotting structure of perversion. Community life, evangelisation picketing, preaching and merely living are all acts the Westboro Baptist community go through without giving it a second thought. Little do they know that they have been ‘sponsoring’ homosexuality – nay, depending on it for as long as personal computing and robotics. They are in their own dogma ‘Fag-lovers of the worst kind’. They’re going to Hell! And I’m going to laugh my ass off at them from my safe haven in FSM‘s pirate heaven. What will they do once they realise they’ve been ‘sponsoring fags’ all along? My hopes are that they’ll go Amish and we’ll never hear from them again.

They are in their own dogma ‘Fag-lovers of the worst kind’. They’re going to Hell! And I’m going to laugh my ass off at them from my safe haven in FSM‘s pirate heaven.

In this case only, I bring myself to say it is a shame there is no God, for I would have loved to congratulate him for the genius of the irony we have here.

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50 Responses

  1. Church is dumb.

  2. I don’t doubt it at all.

  3. Nice blog! Thanks for blogrolling me. You should think about joining the atheist blogroll. It will give your blog a lot more exposure.

  4. Interesting piece of social criticisms and satire. You ought a send it over to the kind folks at Westboro Baptist.

    Here is a question I’d like to know about them, are they actually affiliated with any larger part of the Baptist church? I wonder if the Baptist church does excommunications.

  5. I’m rather shocked and dismayed at the site you mentioned. Seems intentionally designed to inflame and offend. If this is actually a site run by a church, then shame on them. They have perverted the nature of the gospel by their attitude. A truly holy God would indeed hate sin, but yet He loves mankind, in spite of it. The bible tells us this. God is Love. If He hated the sinner, he would hate us all, for who of us is faultless? Aberrant churches included! As is sometimes said, “Hate the sin, love the sinner”.

  6. I think the Westboro Baptist are only Baptist in name. Nobody wants anything to do with them.

    shilohautumn: “If He hated the sinner, he would hate us all, for who of us is faultless?”

    It’s funny, but that exact question led me to doubt religion as a small child. My parents were never religious really. One day, driving back home from school when I was aged maybe 5 or 6, I asked my mom: “If bad people go to the place with monsters and fire and good people go to the sky, where do I go, since I’m a little bit good and a little bit bad?”

  7. LOL…nice! Thanks for sharing that. I enjoyed reading it very much…oh, the irony!

    Here’s another irony: Western Christianity owes so very much of its views, including the immortality of the soul, to Plato…Plato, who never married and who very much liked men (see especially the Theaetetus, where he has Socrates comment quite a bit on the male Theaetatus’s youthful good looks). 🙂

  8. Come to think of it, most of religious doctrine for any religion is a contradiction.

    Only really knowing about Christianity, well, for a start, everyone celebrates the birth of Jesus on the day of the birth of, who was it… Horus?

  9. Westboro Baptist was, I believe, once upon a time, part of a Baptist convention but got kicked out for starting a cult.

    Something that many people misunderstand about Christianity as described in the Bible is that it’s not the “good” people that go to heaven. It’s the people who’ve accepted forgiveness and placed their faith in Christ. Christians are sinners like everyone else. When Jesus hung on the cross, the condemned thief next to him asked Jesus merely to remember him when He came into the kingdom and Jesus promised that he would be in heaven that night.

    bamaphilosopher and eltower, show me where true Christian doctrine, from the Bible, is a contradiction. I’m not sure where you got the idea that Western Christianity got its views from Plato, especially the idea of the immortality of the soul. That was talked about in the Bible a very, very, very long time before Plato. And what, may I ask, is “Western Christianity” anyways?

  10. That group gives us Christians a bad name. They are a disgrace to humanity.

  11. Very good points! =) Someone should send this to the Westboro Baptist “Church.”

    I agree with Dionysius as well.

  12. It’s a shame that people like this somehow represent Christianity to unbelievers and that many atheists think all Christians are akin to this type of misguided belief.

    The problem with Westboro is that they’ve heard this all before, much like most Christians with any background in discussing their faith have heard the points that a man like Richard Dawkins will bring up and so on. I am a believer and a Christian, but I truly believe that this type of argument against them will only drive them further into the fold of delusion and misinterpretation of scripture.

    The real shame is that people of all religions around the world have to suffer for the actions of a few.

  13. Also, eltower: you should probably work on your definition of the term “contradiction”.

  14. Please don’t consider WBC an accurate representation of Christianity. They’re a cult with only 71 members started by a guy who seems to be repressing something.

  15. Baptists don’t excommunicate, but for Westboro, we might make an exception. 😉 – Tim

  16. I think somewhere in heaven Jesus is putting his head i his hands going, “Oh no, please don’t mention my name again.”

  17. No, certainly Westboro is not a representation of Christianity. It’s…

    Got it. It’s what Nazism is to conservative politics.

    I’m not sure I understand the thing about contradiction, Canadian Cinephile.

    @thelonedrifter: the immortality of the soul sounds like a fairly universal concept. Plato certainly developed it extensively.

    Western Christianity… I am an example of someone who is from an Eastern Orthodox Christian background. The rites are fundamentally different and there are a few theological differences. Namely, we have no Pope (funny I still use ‘we’) and our priests can lead normal lives, marry and have children.

  18. Ooooh, now I get the contradiction thing.

    I was using it to express the idea that while religions present themselves as the Truth, most of their ideas were gotten from someone else. This is funny: for religion, there is an ‘intelligent designer’ who rehashed old ideas – this is natural, everyone did it/does it.

  19. But that’s not a “contradiction”….moreover, that’s a rather simplistic explanation of the world’s multitude of religions.

  20. Also, the whole “pope” thing and priests who marry has really nothing to do with “Western” Christianity or not. It rather has to do with different sects or doctrinal differences, not a geographical sense. I’d invite you to look into religion a little bit more so that you can avoid some of these generalizations and simplicities.

  21. No, I’m honest, the denomination of Christianity called Eastern Orthodox is exactly that. It’s different from that in the ‘West’ (it’s also practiced in Armenia, Ethiopia and fringe churches in Syria and Lebanon I think).

    It also arises from a geographical distinction because historically the Eastern denomination of Christianity was based in Constantinople, in the Eastern Roman Empire and later Byzantium. The Great Schism effectively drew the line and set apart East vs West to such an extent the Crusaders sacked Constantinople on their way to the Holy Land (over history the Roman Catholic authorities have apologised more than once for this heinous event).

  22. Oh, this post is great.

    I hang out on another blog and one of the other hangers-out is a member of this freak church.

  23. What a terrific post! We in the UK were treated to a documentary on this “church” last week by Louis Theroux (for US readers he’s the nerdy looking Brit who was on TV nation with Michael Moore)

    How any group of people so consumed by hatred for anyone but themselves can claim to be christian (or human, for that matter) is beyond me.

    The saddest part of all was seeing their little kids spouting their nonsense. In my opinion that constitutes child abuse.

  24. Also, Jesus was a Jew. In fact, nobody mentioned in the bible was a member of this bizarre sect. So… are they all in hell?

  25. I see, eltower… you are referring to the Catholic Church.

    Not all Christians adhere to those beliefs… and true Christianity is not regional and has nothing to do with Protestant or Catholic or denomination or whatever.

  26. This was a very well made point. I am ashamed I had not noticed it before myself. SO obvious when someone points it out to you isn’t it?!

    Good job.

  27. Huh? Wait, hang on.

    Westboro are in a category of their own.

    When I was talking about Western and Eastern Christianity, I was referring to the Schism and geographical division between Orthodoxy and between Catholicism and derivatives such as Protestantism.

    Although I’m not sure where I’m going with this, please help me out lonedrifter and point us back to what this fringe discussion was about 😛

  28. Thanks bjrhodes. I wonder what the reaction of the WBC would be… presuming they have the humility to read a blog reaction to them.

  29. Nice argument 🙂 Pity they couldn’t care less don’t you think?

    PS Love the Sinner Hate the Sin? What a bunch of crap… ‘scuse my French…

  30. […] Gospel of Reason […]

  31. […] Westboro Baptist Is Going To Hell According To Themselves (and here’s why) One of the most perverted and distorted sects of Christianity can be found in the Westboro Baptist Church. Their […] […]

  32. I don’t understand how hate fits into Jesus’ philosophy at all– he preached unconditional love and acceptance. How can you “hate the sin but love the sinner”? I’m pretty sure when Jesus forgave his killers, he didn’t secretly still keep a bit of hate hanging around for the idea of killing.

    Sometimes I think almost all of Christianity has completely misunderstood Jesus’ message.

  33. Ethics, compassion, level headiness, and skillful action have much more value than any particular religious creed, dogma or doctrine.

    Salvation is not something that can be given, rewarded, or bestowed.

    I’d love to see a piece here about how ethical conduct and atheism are not mutually exclusive things. Most of society has this mistaken mindset that atheism is akin to amorality and hedonism.

  34. Genius, gregor, genius.

  35. Gregor,

    I attribute that mindset to personal experience more than something Christians base on theology. If more Christians were friends with more atheists (or Atheists… using the cap only to denote weak atheism vs. strong atheism), then we would probably not see those traits so exclusively.

    However, then we’re stuck with the problem of “wow… we aren’t so different after all,” and we’d have to do something meaningful to demonstrate why anyone should give Christianity the time of day. Since it’s less work to just discard people by giving them the atheist=immoral label, that’s what we tend to do. Sad. – Tim

  36. I also find it ironic that they despise the country so much, when they are clearly citizens of the country and unwilling to move somewhere else.

    They should realize that no other country is going to stand aside and tolerate their “free speech” like this one.

    I’m all for freedom of speech, but with that comes responsibility, and boycotting and protesting funerals certainly isn’t a responsible way of using it.

    I agree with Andrew – Most of Christianity has completely misunderstood Jesus’ message. Radical, unconditional love.

  37. I totally agree. But the Westboro morons should be left to live. They’re a unique subspecies to the human race, one which have barely evolved over the course of 2 million years, from the first apes/Adam and Eve. I believe they should be sent to a sanctuary, but remember:
    Please DON’T feed the animals.

    P.S. I think these people are just intolerant, they don’t respect and they’re antisocial. They don’t recognise that all human beings are ultimately equal.

  38. It would be a lot easier to let them live if they were content with the idea that they’re the only ones being saved and left everyone else to rot in Hell.

  39. Hmm, yes. I think humanity should bypass their stupid antics (apart from the funeral boycotting, which should have them arrested). Congratulations on your blog, it ripped me off my mechanics 2 revision.

  40. I’m not an atheist myself. I suppose not at least. I’m a Buddhist, one of very strong faith. However, I’m not much of a theist either. . .I suppose I’d be classified as a religious non-theist Buddhist. . how is that for a brain twister?

    In all honesty we need a lot less finger pointing and religious intolerance in this world. Fanaticisms is a serious hindrance.

    The Buddha taught of 84,000 Dharma Doors, ie — limitless ways to reach enlightenment. We all should look to the fact that we all have something of value to share; but the idea that there is only one right way to be or believe is folly.

  41. I imagine Buddhism is unique for not believing that there is a God?

    A stoner friend of mine confided that during one of his highs he realised that since the world is what you make of it – it’s just an image in your brain – then it’s different for each and every one of us, hence each one of us is our own God and Creator.

    It kills theism and adheres to a more Unitarian point of view.

  42. Westboro Baptist Church are a sad, twisted little cadre of fanatics run by a senile tinpot tyrant (and one-time Saddam Hussein supporter, to boot). As a Christian myself, I refuse to acknowledge their hateful creed, no more than I would expect a reasonable-minded atheist to acknowledge any allegience with Stalin, Mao, or any other famous secular sadists.

    Maniacs tend to have loud voices, but it rarely follows that they speak for the majority.

  43. “I’m not sure where you got the idea that Western Christianity got its views from Plato, especially the idea of the immortality of the soul. That was talked about in the Bible a very, very, very long time before Plato.”
    – thelonedrifter – April 25, 2007 at 3:25 pm

    Actually, this is incorrect. The Hebrew Bible (especially in its older sections) does not mention any form of an afterlife. It is concerned with justice — or the lack of it — in this life. It was only after contact with Hellenistic philosophy that the idea of “eternal” life seems to have crept into Jewish and later Christian thought.

  44. I do not think this is a particularly good argument. The Westboro people, I suspect, would not care, and I do not think that necessitates that they are hypocrites. I think murder and pedastery are wrong, but there are no doubt a sizable amount of innovations and inventions that came from someone who associates with one of these evils. There are a legion of liars, and a gaggle of gossips, and a mob of murderers who have no doubt benefited society and myself in some way. I doubt that anyone here lives a life lacking all material comforts sired by some sinner. The Westboro Church may be wrong, but I do not think it so wrong in this case.

  45. I read that Fred Phelps used to beat his children unconscious and knee them in the groin. Fred was disbarred because he couldn’t get along with others in his field. One of his daughters called him a “rage-a-holic.” That makes sense. Fred has been spewing hate and rage his whole life. He needs an outlet for it and he found one.

  46. The Westboro baptist church is a joke. Their just finding every reason to whinge on even though i’m a catholic myself i find what they believe in totally insane. I believe in God, i just don’t believe someone telling me how i should live my life

  47. Completely true. My main problem is their massive dependence on bible quotations. I understand that they take it literally, and this is the issue. The entire bible has been heavily edited by the Catholic church, governments, and publishers over the years, so I highly doubt the writing is anything but vaguely related to anything spoken by any of the gospels. Also, they use the bible, edited by Catholics, AND have their own website stating that Catholics are going to hell.

    They also state that Germans are going to hell for WWII and Nazism (persecution of Jews), as well as Jews going to hell for murdering Jesus (who was, incidentally, a Jew).

    They may try to justify all their actions, but they can’t do it. They will see their error when the die. All of them will.

  48. —Theroux doing retreads?

    Westboro’s been done to death. WE KNOW.

    Meanwhile, Louis Theroux, son of high profile
    establishment types has spent his entire career
    at the state controlled propaganda arm —BBC.

    Looking like it’s time for him to move on.

    Time to drop the one note Harry Potter pose,
    leave the Beeb, and turn those cameras away
    from the self-made oddballs —and toward the
    ‘Big Boys’ (David Rockefeller, Baron de Rothchild,
    Bill Gates et al) and –their—belief system
    which is population extermination EUGENICS…

  49. i enjoyed this post, i don’t think it is truly one of those arguments that shoots down everything Westboro believes, but it is quite a clever parallel that really uses their arguments against them to show how ridiculous they are. Well done.

  50. Kevin ”The web site Adept” V. Dec

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