Stop Looking For Nuclear War, Bible Thumpers, Armageddon Is Coming Anyway. No, Seriously, Stop

So there’s a fringe groups of extremist Bible thumpers in the States who actively encourage nuclear war and MAD in order to induce an Armageddon and bring back Jesus.

Not only is this extremely insane and dangerous, it’s totally unnecessary.

Wanna know why, Bible Thumpers? Look up into the sky. Yeah, that thing called the Sun. It’s the reason why there is a habitable Earth, it’s the first most important influence on global climate trends (hell, it’s the reason there is a climate) and it’s Armageddon.

Yep, it’s Armageddon. The Sun is basically a gigantic, titanic nuclear fusion reaction letting out unbelievable amounts of energy. The downside is that in 5 billion years, the fuel will run out.

Far from just phrbt-ing out of existence like a used up match, something incredible will occur. I feel strange saying this, but I’m sorry there’s no afterlife (or Heaven or Hell) because the show it would be… just amazing.

In a nutshell, the Sun is a delicate balance in size, kept in check with the radiation from the centre. Once the fuel runs out, the radiation pressure from the inside will be too low to maintain the current size. The individual particles, mostly helium at this stage, will then move in towards their common centre of gravity. As they speed up and gain kinetic energy, the overall temperature will rise even further than the Sun is now. Eventually, the temperature will be high enough (I’m talking in the order of millions of degrees Centigrade/Kelvin) for the helium to fuse. The energy will be so high it’ll create a gigantic explosion, a supernova that will engulf the entire solar system.

The low-down:

  1. Just before the Sun runs completely out of fuel, it’ll expand considerably and fry the Earth and perhaps Mars
  2. After it runs out of fuel, it’ll remove all traces of the Earth in the supernova

To the Armageddon-seeking Jesus lovers:

  • Don’t bother looking for Jesus with a man made Armageddon. Chances are it won’t be big enough to warrant his return to this miserable planet
  • Armageddon is on its way anyway – in 5 billion years, give or take
  • Don’t be so selfish as to think you’re the generation worthy enough to see Jesus’ zombie

Oh yeah, forgot one:

  • Fuck off. Fracking wackos. If you want to see Jesus jump into a woodchipper and see what happens

One Response

  1. […] have already made my own answer some time ago, but Sword&Spirit has actually quite a good […]

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