If This Was God’s Doing Then I Contend That God Is An Idiot

Today I hit my hand on a lamppost.

A banal and innocuous event and I’m glad to say that my finger quickly felt a lot better as soon as I stopped thinking about it.

As it happens I was talking with a classmate who believes passionately in God. As it happens, I was pulling his leg for something completely unrelated to religion and as it happens, as I hit my hand he retorted “Ah, that’s God punishing you for being such an idiot.”

I could not resist the temptation to strike back with chaos.

“Which one?”

He looked puzzled.

“Well, God.”

“OK, fine, so it was a divine punishment, but by whom? Zeus?”

“Dude, you know I’m a Christian who -”

“No, it must have been Thor, the God of lightning who moved my hand into a post of electrical dark magic. Although it could have also been Shiva, the destructor, who wished to inflict pain unto my pinky.”

via flickr/AprilM2107

“God has a plan for you, Adrian, so it must have been God.”

“There are many Gods you could believe in. What makes you think it was yours who was looking at me, a heathen, at this particular moment and judged that the punishment for teasing you for your football club was to strike my pinky with a lamppost?”

“OK, fine, it was all of them.”

“Hm, no, rather, the punishment was to strike the lamppost with my pinky. Has the lamppost been immoral?”

“Lampposts are inanimate objects.”

“Apparently not immune to divine punishment. You know what? OK, fine, God, your God, the Christian God, the father of Jesus of Nazareth, looked at me teasing you for your football club and decided that he would punish me, and assuming he thinks like you do that atheists are fools, then for my heathenness as well. He looked at the opportunities around him. He could have steered my path into a traffic collision. He could have dropped a 10-pound flower pot onto my head. He could have even interfered with meteorology to strike me with lightning, hail, blizzards or fish. But no, he sees a lamppost and my pinky and says ‘Hupa, Hupa, Hupa PinkyLamppost’. It didn’t even hurt. He didn’t even leave a couple of wires to electrocute me to death – that would have been admirably subtle”

“God exists whether you don’t believe in him or not.”

“If God’s plan to punish me for a banal terrestrial matter really was to strike a lamppost with my pinky ever so lightly then I contend to you that God is an incoherent, disorganised slacker and a complete idiot.”

We spent the rest of the walk home arguing about football.

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9 Responses

  1. Amen brother

  2. …and get smarter christian friends…

  3. Smiting just isn’t what it used to be. What happened to lightning and hell-fire and brimstone? I tell you, gods today… no style, no finesse.

  4. […] then I contend to you that God is an incoherent, disorganised slacker and a complete idiot.”From The Gospel of Reason. *apologies to Dick […]

  5. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.
    And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.
    And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.
    And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.
    Later He did use the light to smite an unbeliever with mild pain in his pinky.
    And God looked upon his creation and sniggered.

  6. Hey man be a little bit more subtle with that guy! Haha you really got offended by his phrase ehh?! He does look like an idiot, but apart from that, for him what he said is true. It’s the same thing as arguing who’s father is better. You will argue that your father is the best, he/she will argue that his/her father is better. You will both be completely sure that you are right, and that the other person is wrong. It’s arguing against a wall, you won’t get passed it, whatever you try

  7. It would be the case if I argued that God’s nonexistence is 100% certain.

    Since I settle on the scientific method (God is a rather obtuse and complex hypothesis. If you can’t prove it, for all intents and purposes it doesn’t exist) it’s not a dogma clash but rather a science vs. dogma clash.

  8. It’s not a dogma clash.

    I’m saying you can’t prove God’s existence on a scientific basis. If god is truth to him, then so be it. Alcohol is truth to an alcoholic in a not dissimilar way.

    Science it truth to me indeed, but it’s truth in a demonstrable fashion which does no intellectual harm.

    Science vs. dogma and science always wins.

  9. GOD IS A FUCKING PIG. I WANTED TO TRUST THIS FAG BUT ALL MY LIFE HE PUT ME DOWN. AFTER YEARS OF WANTING TO SERVE I FINNALY GAVE UP AND MY LIFE GOT BETTER GO FIGURE. GOD IS A FUCKING DISCUSTING PIG ,OH YES HES REAL ,BUT ONLY A FUCKING FAG AND IL KILL HIM BECAUSE IL JUST BE DOING WHAT HE LOVES TO DO.

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